Most ridiculous Elder Scrolls characters

As the latest Elder Scrolls: Online chapter, Necrom, hits the shelves, let’s head out on a weird safari of the most magnificent oddballs this legendary RPG series has thrown up over the years.

An open world is only as good as the NPCs inhabiting it, and they don’t get much better than the bizarre bunch that flesh out the various regions of the land of Tamriel. 

So, without further ado, let’s get to know this bunch of oddballs!

Contents

• Grelod the Kind
• M’aiq the Liar
• The Adoring Fan
• The Lusty Argonian Maid
• Runs-In-Circles
• Kjeld the Younger
• Cicero
• Sheogorath
• Crassius Curio
• Drarayne Thelas
• Tarhiel

Grelod the Kind

Despite the name, Grelod is a really nasty piece of work. When you receive your orders from the Dark Brotherhood to take the benefactress of an orphanage out of the picture, you might hesitate, but have a chat to the kids and you’ll soon find out she’s an absolute monster!

As a result, unlike in most situations, the most righteous thing you can do in this case is murder an old lady. 

M’aiq the Liar

Unlike “Grelod the Kind”, the name “M’aiq the Liar” is perfectly apt. This khajiit troublemaker appears in several Elder Scrolls games and does exactly what you’d expect. Whatever you ask him about, he’ll just lie to you.

It is revealed in Skyrim that he comes from a long line of liars. Not sure if that makes it better or worse, or just silly.

The Adoring Fan

This irksome young breton comes clattering into your life once you become the Grand Champion of the arena in Oblivion’s Imperial City. You can choose to take him on as a companion, in which case he’ll follow you around inflating your ego and generally making a nuisance of himself. 

Good news for those who didn’t get enough of this little rascal in Oblivion – he will be reappearing in Bethesda’s new space epic, Starfield!

Lifts-Her-Tail (The Lusty Argonian Maid)

You never actually meet this Elder Scrolls legend in any of the games, although she appears in several of them as a character in some smutty in-game literature. 

The best part about the in-game book “The Lusty Argonian Maid”, which chronicles the raunchy adventures of Lifts-Her-Tail, is that an actual game developer had to write them.

Runs-In-Circles

No prizes for guessing what this argonian weirdo’s deal is. Found in the Shivering Isles – home of the strangest folk around – she will approach you and ask for food, money or shoes.

If you refuse, she will become agitated and start running around in circles shouting “ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni” – reminds us of a certain quest for a Holy Grail... 

Kjeld the Younger

Kjeld may look like he’s weathered the storms of life for quite some time, but beneath the rugged exterior beats the heart of a stroppy kid! He may look like a big, tough, rough and ready nord, but spend some time around this petulant man-child and you’ll soon get the actual measure of the fella.

He spends his time whining about his mother making him do chores and his father not letting him go hunting until he can draw a bow properly, while simultaneously acting tough to you. Kind of undermines his tough guy image a little, no?

Cicero

Cicero is a murderous buffoon who hangs around with the Dark Brotherhood. His out of place attire comes from his last contract for the organization, where he was tasked with assassinating a jester, with whom he became obsessed.

Now, he spends his time winding everyone up, talking about himself in the third person, and saying unsettling things like “Cicero never understood thieves, really... take someone's things before you kill them? And they call me crazy...”.

Sheogorath

Sheogorath is none other than the Prince of Madness himself, first appearing in the Shivering Isles expansion for Oblivion. His life’s purpose consists of causing chaos, driving people insane and tormenting those who have already gone mad.

He’s a charismatic chap with plenty of funny dialog, and he also gives you access to a range of wacky artifacts, such as the Wabbajack – a staff that turns people into random animals and items. With all of this going for him, it’s hard not to like the fella, even if he is objectively evil.

Crassius Curio

Crassius Curio is none other than the author of the abovementioned “The Lusty Argonian Maid”, and as you might expect, he’s a total creep.

He’ll refer to you as “dumpling”, ask you to call him “Uncle Crassius”, and will make you remove all your clothes before he’ll become your patron.

Drarayne Thelas

This dark elf’s loveable quirk is her obsession with pillows. One quest you carry out for her is to prevent her collection from being eaten by rats, and if you help her out your reward is – yep, you guessed it – a pillow! An Extra-Comfy Pillow to be precise…

Tarhiel

Tarhiel appears on scene in a rather unexpected way: he falls from the sky in front of you straight to his death. Upon investigation, it turns out that he was experimenting with a spell that would allow him to fly for a short time but forgot to stick the landing.

It is possible to save him by casting “slowfall” under him to break his fall; however, don’t expect any gratitude from this troubled genius. He’ll just shuffle away muttering “I don’t want to talk about it”.